Finding her...

"They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered." - F. Scott Fitzgerald I don't know that I have ever loved anyone the way I love this man. I have never had someone understand me the way he does and have certainly never had someone who has made me feel so incredibly safe to be me. He lets me ramble and be emotional and silly and loving and he doesn't criticize me for any of it. He just listens. He knows exactly what to say and do when my head is swimming in random thoughts. He steadies me.  Last night, as we sat here laughing and watching movies, I couldn't help but stare at him. As I laid there with my head on his shoulder and arm around him, I felt like I was home. He is an incredible man who is both handsome and kind. Beneath his hardened exterior is a huge heart with more depth than most know. He is smart...almost intimidatingly smart. He is loyal and funny and generous and has the insane ability to calm me. His friendship has played a h...

Oh, 2020. Where do I begin? You have been a year of hardship, pain, anxiety, disappointment, loss, and extreme difficulty.  But, you've also been a year of growth, increased self worth, joy, peace, and love.   You see, even through a pandemic, separating from my husband, sending my son to school, losing my grandfather, and so much more,  I chose happiness. I chose, most days, to trust in the plan God has for my life. I chose to grow. I chose to work on being the best version of me that I could be. I chose to shut out all of the noise by choosing things that brought me joy. I chose to be at peace with my decisions and where my journey has taken me. It hasn't been easy, and I had days that I really struggled, but overall, I chose to remain positive during some very negative times.  So, as I head into 2021, knowing that there are new challenges I will face, I will continue to choose joy, peace, happiness, and love. I will work harder on myself. I will take on these...

In all my life, I have never been as comfortable in my own skin as I am now. It is a beautiful thing to find yourself and lose yourself all at once.  A couple of years ago, I got very sick. I had to take some pretty harsh drugs for over a year that caused me to gain 90lbs and lose some of my hair. I struggled with it hardcore, and I hated my appearance.  This year, I made the decision to get my life back and gain control of what had caused me pain on so many levels. I have worked hard at eating better and working out, and I am proud to say that as of today, I have lost all 90lbs I gained!  On top of that, there is someone who makes me feel wanted, cared for, protected, safe, and more like a woman than I have felt in a very long time...if ever. He has helped me in ways that he will probably never know, but I am so thankful for this time. I don't know where this will end up. What I do know and truly believe is that God brought us close for a reason. If that reason is that I...

I hardly have the words to describe what this past week has been. I have honestly never felt this way. Ever.  I've never felt so safe. I have never felt so completely understood. I have never felt so free to be me.  We've already established that I am an overthinker. When I get in my head, it sometimes causes me to become extremely anxious. That's exactly what happened over the weekend. I started hearing the voices in my head telling me I wasn't good enough and that I didn't deserve to be happy. I tried hard to push them out, but I became completely overwhelmed and struggled with panic attacks for several days.  And then, a beautiful thing happened.  I was in the midst of an attack Monday night and my phone rang. I saw his name and immediately had a sense of calm. After being on the phone for only a few minutes, he asked me what was wrong. He could tell something wasn't right. I told him I didn't know that I could talk to him about it and he reminded me that...

Explaining what I am feeling these days is something I can't quite do because it's a lot of emotions. I have tried to get it into words, but the only words that keep coming to my mind are I love him.  I saw a quote on Pinterest that said: "She fell in love with his soul before she could touch his skin. If that isn't love, then I don't know what is." - Bianca Lamarre I think it perfectly describes everything. I have met a man who is good and kind and funny and caring. He works hard. He plays hard. He loves his family. He loves God. He is loyal and smart and charming and man, oh man, is he handsome. When I look in his eyes, it's like all of the world's problems disappear. My heart skips a beat when my phone lights up with his name. My heart races when he pulls into my driveway and sits next to me on the porch. We laugh. We talk. We listen to music. He listens to me. He lets me be me. He gives me the best advice.  He checks on me to make sure I'm ok. ...

I am a certified over thinker who needs to learn to run from her own mind... Have you ever anticipated something so much that you were terrified that when it happened, you were going to be disappointed? That's been me. I have been waiting for something, so small, yet so meaningful, and I was scared to death that it wouldn't be what I had pictured.  Sunday night, I received something I had been longing for, and I am still smiling from ear to ear. A simple hug was all I needed. It sounds crazy, but in that moment, my entire world was at peace. I could breathe. I was safe.  I'm not sure where this path will take me or how this will end up. I gave it to God months ago and that's all I can do. Trust that His plan is greater than mine.  I didn't see this coming.  But here I go.  Oh, how this heart of mine loves.