Man, oh man...

Explaining what I am feeling these days is something I can't quite do because it's a lot of emotions. I have tried to get it into words, but the only words that keep coming to my mind are I love him. 

I saw a quote on Pinterest that said: "She fell in love with his soul before she could touch his skin. If that isn't love, then I don't know what is." - Bianca Lamarre

I think it perfectly describes everything. I have met a man who is good and kind and funny and caring. He works hard. He plays hard. He loves his family. He loves God. He is loyal and smart and charming and man, oh man, is he handsome. When I look in his eyes, it's like all of the world's problems disappear. My heart skips a beat when my phone lights up with his name. My heart races when he pulls into my driveway and sits next to me on the porch. We laugh. We talk. We listen to music. He listens to me. He lets me be me. He gives me the best advice.  He checks on me to make sure I'm ok. He asks how my day was. Having a conversation with him always leaves me smiling, no matter what we've talked about...and some of it has been pretty hard life stuff. We've been friends for a long time, but the last few months, we have gotten close, and I can't imagine how I would've gotten through some of the hard stuff without him. He's truly one of my best friends.  

When I knew what I was feeling? The three weeks that we didn't talk, I prayed for him, day in and day out. I didn't pray for him to talk to me again. I prayed for his peace. I prayed for his happiness. I prayed for him to be ok. I was alone in the house one night, sobbing because I just wanted to fix it and talk to him. I was devastated that I had not heard from him,  and I just wanted to know that he was ok.  So, I had a long talk with myself and with God.  As I was praying, I truly felt God telling me to be still. I felt Him saying to me that this was love. Putting someone else's needs and happiness before my own. Knowing that I may never talk to him again, but still praying for him and his happiness. God revealed to me that that is how He loves us. Selflessly. As I was finishing praying, I simply asked God that if he was supposed to be in my life, to make it so. And then I cried. I cried because I realized that completely and unexpectedly, I had fallen in love with this man. I accepted it and knew that no matter what, if he was happy, I would be happy for him. 

A week to the day after that night, he texted me, and then he called me as soon as I responded. We talked for a short time, but we've talked nearly every single day since.  He has come over several times to just sit on the porch with me. Nothing more. We are friends first. He knows I care deeply for him, but he does not know everything I am feeling. I am practicing patience, which is something I am not very good at, but for some reason, it is easy to be patient in this situation. He makes it easy. 

I do not know where this will go, if anywhere, but I know that God has a hand in my life, and His plan is perfect. I may never tell him how I feel about him, and I will be ok with that. It may hurt a little, but I truly do just want him to have a happy and peaceful life. I do hope that I get to be part of his happiness, but if not, I will be ok. 

Man, oh man, I did not see him coming. I did not know it was happening. I did not plan on this at all, but God knows best. He knows how this story ends so I am trusting it.