Finding her...

I have always been someone who loves to laugh. It is rare that you will see me without a smile on my face and it's because I know how to choose to smile. I'm not always happy, but I will for sure fake it until I make it.  This past weekend, I had the pleasure of being with four of the most real women I have in my life.  They are full of heart and soul and all of the good things. It was amazingly refreshing and helped heal my soul in a way that was needed more than I knew. We laughed until we cried and just had an amazing time being with each other. It was beyond rejuvenating.  While we were out of town, I got a phone call from the friend I've been missing. To say that hearing their laughter was one of the most amazing sounds would be a huge understatement. Truly, their laugh is one of the best I have ever heard. I know I've said it before, but this person's happiness means the world to me and it's something I pray for for them every single day. That laughter gav...

On this journey, I have had many revelations, but none as meaningful as the one that caused me to really evaluate how I feel about myself.  I spent years of my life hating who I was. From what I looked like, to my hair, to my thick thighs and big butt, to my never ending quest to please, to my sensitive heart, I hated it all. I wasted so much time comparing myself to others and letting the voices inside my head and around me define how much I liked myself. I would look at other women around me and pray to be more like them. So much wasted time.  Over the last few months, I have learned to silence those voices. I have learned that though I am not perfect, I am still worthy of love. How I look? I get that mainly from my granny and my mom. They are two of my favorite people so how can I not love me? My hair? Yeah, my medicines caused it to change, but it's a symbol of what I fought to get here. How can I not love it? My thick thighs and big butt? They're not going anywhere and th...

Admittedly, I have never been a very patient person. I want what I want when I want it, and I have a hard time being patient for the things that I must wait for. It's a character flaw, I know, but I do try really, really hard.  I am currently waiting on something that I am not sure will ever happen. No matter how hard I try, I am not exactly getting the results I would like. I know that it may mean that it is not going to happen the way I would like, but I haven't given up hope. I also know I may have to give up hope and move on from it, and it'll probably hurt my heart, but that's ok. In the end, I only want what is intended for me.  I am going to strive to be more patient in this journey. I have a long way to go, but I'll get there. 

My heart has a mind of its own. It loves with a depth that not many understand. It is as fragile as a dandelion, but strong as a roaring lion. It has been battered and broken, but it still beats with rhythm like a melody. It sings when happy and bleeds when sad. It has given me so much joy yet caused me tremendous pain. This heart of mine...if it loves you, it never stops. No amount of distance, silence, or pain will ever cause it to give up.  I used to hate that my heart is the way it is, but I have learned that it is truly the best thing about me. It’s a weakness, yes, but there is also much strength that has come from letting it just be. I have learned many lessons from this crazy heart of mine, but one of the most valuable has been this: Love has no conditions, no expectations, and it’s never too late to love someone.  That friend I’ve been missing? They reached out to me this past week. Something horrible happened to them and my heart is broken into a million pieces for t...