Finding her...

Oh, 2020. Where do I begin? You have been a year of hardship, pain, anxiety, disappointment, loss, and extreme difficulty.  But, you've also been a year of growth, increased self worth, joy, peace, and love.   You see, even through a pandemic, separating from my husband, sending my son to school, losing my grandfather, and so much more,  I chose happiness. I chose, most days, to trust in the plan God has for my life. I chose to grow. I chose to work on being the best version of me that I could be. I chose to shut out all of the noise by choosing things that brought me joy. I chose to be at peace with my decisions and where my journey has taken me. It hasn't been easy, and I had days that I really struggled, but overall, I chose to remain positive during some very negative times.  So, as I head into 2021, knowing that there are new challenges I will face, I will continue to choose joy, peace, happiness, and love. I will work harder on myself. I will take on these...

In all my life, I have never been as comfortable in my own skin as I am now. It is a beautiful thing to find yourself and lose yourself all at once.  A couple of years ago, I got very sick. I had to take some pretty harsh drugs for over a year that caused me to gain 90lbs and lose some of my hair. I struggled with it hardcore, and I hated my appearance.  This year, I made the decision to get my life back and gain control of what had caused me pain on so many levels. I have worked hard at eating better and working out, and I am proud to say that as of today, I have lost all 90lbs I gained!  On top of that, there is someone who makes me feel wanted, cared for, protected, safe, and more like a woman than I have felt in a very long time...if ever. He has helped me in ways that he will probably never know, but I am so thankful for this time. I don't know where this will end up. What I do know and truly believe is that God brought us close for a reason. If that reason is that I...

I hardly have the words to describe what this past week has been. I have honestly never felt this way. Ever.  I've never felt so safe. I have never felt so completely understood. I have never felt so free to be me.  We've already established that I am an overthinker. When I get in my head, it sometimes causes me to become extremely anxious. That's exactly what happened over the weekend. I started hearing the voices in my head telling me I wasn't good enough and that I didn't deserve to be happy. I tried hard to push them out, but I became completely overwhelmed and struggled with panic attacks for several days.  And then, a beautiful thing happened.  I was in the midst of an attack Monday night and my phone rang. I saw his name and immediately had a sense of calm. After being on the phone for only a few minutes, he asked me what was wrong. He could tell something wasn't right. I told him I didn't know that I could talk to him about it and he reminded me that...