So this is what it feels like...

"They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I don't know that I have ever loved anyone the way I love this man. I have never had someone understand me the way he does and have certainly never had someone who has made me feel so incredibly safe to be me. He lets me ramble and be emotional and silly and loving and he doesn't criticize me for any of it. He just listens. He knows exactly what to say and do when my head is swimming in random thoughts. He steadies me. 

Last night, as we sat here laughing and watching movies, I couldn't help but stare at him. As I laid there with my head on his shoulder and arm around him, I felt like I was home. He is an incredible man who is both handsome and kind. Beneath his hardened exterior is a huge heart with more depth than most know. He is smart...almost intimidatingly smart. He is loyal and funny and generous and has the insane ability to calm me. His friendship has played a huge role in me being able to heal...not because he has healed me, but because he has supported me and helped me grow into who I was meant to be. 

I am madly in love with this man. I did not plan on this and I tried like hell to tell my heart to stop, but it did not work. I do not know what the future has in store for us, but I know that we both have admitted to caring deeply for one another. We both know there's more than friendship there, and I think we are both a little scared to see what it is. To be honest, I am more than scared of how much I love him, but I know that there is a plan in all of this. Even if we never become more than friends, I will forever be grateful for this time and him, because in the end, I will be able to say that at least once in my life, I knew what it meant to love someone completely. 

So this is what it feels like...to love someone for all that they are and all that they aren't. This is what it feels like to put someone else's happiness before that of your own. This is what it feels like to know you are safe with someone. This is what it feels like to know your heart may be broken in the end, but nothing has ever been worth more. Him being in my life has been the most unexpected blessing and I am beyond thankful to him for all that he has done for me. 

I am in love with this man...He feeds my soul and feels like home. 

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