The journey

Welcome! Recently, I have made some huge life changes. Through this process, I am learning a lot about who I am and who I want to be. One of the things I have always known about myself is that I am expressive and when I cannot express myself, it truly hurts my soul and leaves a nasty scar. So, this blog was created to allow me to express myself and be true to my heart. Join me on the journey of rediscovering my purpose. It may get a little weird, but that's just who I am. :) 

Last night, a very good friend that I have known my entire life called me out of the blue. He had heard through the grapevine all that I have been going through and he wanted to call and give me his support. During the conversation, he took time to remind me of a few things, and it went something like this:

-You know, when we were in third grade, you gave Jeff a bloody nose and pummeled him with your little red pocketbook because he wouldn't quit pulling your hair. In fifth grade, at your birthday party, two boys got in a fist fight over you, and you broke it up. I'll never forget your momma giving them a good talking to at your kitchen table. The next day, you "married" one of them, Brian I think it was, on the playground at school. In middle school, you slapped a boy for grabbing your butt at the school dance. That girl was fierce and took no crap. Remember her? 

- Yeah, I do. She was also a hothead and stubborn as hell. 

-She still is. Stubborn that is. Then, when we got a little older, you broke through security and danced with KC and JoJo on stage. I will never forget thinking to myself "she's going to get me arrested tonight." You would dance around the fire in your underwear because your clothes were wet from jumping in the ice cold river so you took them off. You climbed on top of the big speakers at clubs and didn't give two shits about what anyone thought. I've seen you jump on stages more times in my life than I can count, and every time, you were happy and free. That girl was wild and man, she was always dancing. Remember her?

-Yeah, yeah. Don't remind me. I am sure someone has a lot of video and I don't want to see it. But, I still dance...just not as much. 

- Listen, my friend. My whole life, I've watched you give your entire heart to anyone you felt needed love. You have been the girl that gave too much of yourself because you just love life and the people that surround you. You have never learned how to say no and you're still saying yes when you need to be saying no. Stop choosing people who aren't choosing you. Please. Get back to being that fierce, wild girl with a heart of gold. I promise you, the right people will love you in the right way. They will, Karen. And the ones who don't know how to handle your spirit? It's their loss. Not yours. It's your time now. 

-Ok, ok. I hear you. It's just hard. You know how my heart is and it is definitely hurting right now for so many reasons I won't go into. I just want to speak MY truth to people who are believing whatever someone has told them. You know me and I will always speak the truth. I'll get through it. It's just killing me right now.

-Karen, time will tell your truth. You don't need to try and explain yourself to people who aren't willing to listen. No matter what, you have to stay true to you. Anyone who knows you knows you would never intentionally hurt a soul. Just let everything be and let people believe what they want. You're one of the best people I know and I want you to remember that girl I know...she's still in there. Now, I'm going to FaceTime you so we can have a dance party. Let me get ____ (insert his girlfriend's name) because she needs to dance too. 

And you know what? We danced. And my soul was happy. And I slept for the first time since Friday night. 

Thanks, old friend, for reminding me that I have a purpose and a hell of a lot of love to give...to the right people. I know for sure that my intentions are always pure, you can never hurt me bad enough for me to cut you off, and I will spend every single day, for the rest of my life, dancing...no matter what. 

Lesson #1: Choose people who choose you. Ouch. But ok.