War of emotions...

This one has been hard this week. I found myself crying, multiple times, and didn't really know why. All I knew was that my heart was in pain. 

Was it hurting because of loss? Was it longing? Was it regret? Was it frustration? Was it disappointment? Was it hurt? Was it that I let myself get so caught up in loving others that I forgot to love myself? Was it that I was let down, again? Was it that I was ignored, again? Was it that I couldn't see past my own damn feelings and desires to see the truth?

Guess what. It was all of the above.  And man, oh, man, did it teach me a lesson. I've known all along that I had hopes that would be shattered and I ignored it. I ignored it like a plague. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to see what was right in front of my face...because I am stubborn as hell when I know I want something. 

But, sometimes, we are not supposed to have everything we want. And as much as it hurts now, I know I will get over it. One day, I will look back on this time and be able to see how truly strong I have been. I can't wait for that day. 

I am a warrior. I am a lover. I am certain that one day, I will get back all of the love I have put out into the world. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Letting Go...

In life, as you take on new adventures, you have to let go of something. It's our soul's way of making room for better things.  I have always been someone who loves new adventures, but I also seriously struggle with letting go. Because I am someone who lets people in easily, I often get hurt, badly, when I have to let them go. I am struggling with letting go right now. It comes in waves and hits me out of nowhere. When it rushes over me, I either cry or get angry. Lately, it's been more crying than anger.  I have cried over losing a friendship that was very dear to me more in the last week than I have cried in a while. It's been very painful to try and let go, and my heart has been hurting. It's a very strange thing to me as I don't think I realized how much I genuinely cared about this person and enjoyed their friendship until they were gone. I have accepted that I may never get closure, but I have prayed for this person day in and day out, and it's the onl...
Read more

About last night...

All week last week, I was anticipating a night out last night, for multiple reasons. I was so nervous and tried to cancel before I was supposed to be there. But something in me told me to go and have fun. I am SO glad I did. It was the best night I have had in a very long time. 😊 On the way home, I remembered that I am not a nervous person. Honestly, I can talk to anyone and everyone, but for some reason, I had been nervous. The more I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that I was only nervous because I have not been living for so long that I forgot what it felt like. I forgot what it felt like to do things that I like to do. Not that I haven't done anything I like to do, but I think I have been reserved and said no to things that I really should've said yes to.  Yes, the girl who doesn't say no to others often says no to herself. So, I decided that this week is my birthday week (I will be the big 4-0 on Saturday), and starting now, I am going to say yes to myself....
Read more

The journey

Welcome! Recently, I have made some huge life changes. Through this process, I am learning a lot about who I am and who I want to be. One of the things I have always known about myself is that I am expressive and when I cannot express myself, it truly hurts my soul and leaves a nasty scar. So, this blog was created to allow me to express myself and be true to my heart. Join me on the journey of rediscovering my purpose. It may get a little weird, but that's just who I am. :)  Last night, a very good friend that I have known my entire life called me out of the blue. He had heard through the grapevine all that I have been going through and he wanted to call and give me his support. During the conversation, he took time to remind me of a few things, and it went something like this: -You know, when we were in third grade, you gave Jeff a bloody nose and pummeled him with your little red pocketbook because he wouldn't quit pulling your hair. In fifth grade, at your birthday party, t...
Read more