Growing pains...

John Green wrote “That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.” 

Boy, have I been trying to avoid feeling pain like the plague lately. I’ve pushed it aside to keep from feeling it and this week has been hard. I had to let myself feel all of the pain and it was extremely overwhelming. 

Last night, I took one more shot at “fixing” something that I’m not even sure how it broke. And rejection took over again and I felt so much pain that I couldn’t breathe. I cried. I prayed. I gave it to God. 

And something strange happened. I slept. And when I woke at 3am, the pain was less. Today, I spent time doing things I love to do and one thing I didn’t love to do (I may share that later), and it felt good. I cared for myself today, and I put myself first, which is often really hard for me to do. 

So tonight, as I sit on my porch listening to the sounds of crickets, the pain is subsiding. It’s not completely gone, but it isn’t making me feel sick anymore. I’ve done all I can do. I let the pain take over and searched my heart for what makes me happy. Though I will never understand, I am finding some peace in the chaos that is this heart of mine. 

Lesson #2: Allow yourself to feel pain so you can deal with it and move through it. 


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